Don’tWorryBeHappy, United Kingdom
When people ask me: “What is your ‘religion,’ faith, spiritual practice?” I will tell them I am a follower of Krishna consciousness. But I feel unhappy saying this, because it does not feel truthful to me.
And when I come to fill out one of those awful bureaucratic forms we are all forced to complete every now and again, I will stop and wonder at the question: ‘Religion: please tick one.’ If I am being really lazy I will tick ‘Hindu.’ Otherwise I will tick ‘Other’ and write ‘Krishna consciousness’ or ‘Bhakti-yoga.’
I am still waiting for the day I see a form that says: ‘Foolishly trying and failing to serve and please the beautiful lotus feet of His Divine Grace Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj: Please tick.’ I think I could tick that with some confidence.
When I was a kid, I think I saw Krishna consciousness as a religion I had inherited from my parents. A religion that involved chanting my rounds, going to the temple, trying to do things at the temple and trying to be good. It also seemed like something very far away from me. Then one day I realized that actually, in our daily practicing life, Krishna consciousness wasn’t so much about trying to please Lord Krishna, as about trying to please His dearmost representative, Srila Gurudev, who is with us here and now, and who we actually have a real connection with! And despite my ignorance, which I am unfortunately still guilty of today, I began to see that our Guru is the sweetest, most beautiful and perfect personality in existence. I woke up a little and realized that Krishna consciousness was an integral part of my life: alive and relevant and waiting for me.
From Srila Gurudev I learned, as Srila Sridhar Maharaj says in Loving Search for the Lost Servant, that “Krishna is beautiful; and He is eagerly awaiting to accept our services.” That the Supreme Absolute Truth is an inconceivably beautiful, all-attractive, charming and sweet personality, as described in that beautiful verse of the Sri-Brahma-Samhita (5.30):
venum kvanantam aravinda-dalayataksam-
barhavatamsam asitambuda-sundarangam
kandarpa-koti-kamaniya-visesa-sobham
govindam adi-purusam tam aham bhajami
Always playing the flute,
His eyes like blooming lotus-petals,
His head adorned with a peacock feather,
His beautiful form the hue of a blue cloud;
With the unique beauty that charms millions of cupids –
The Primeval Lord, Govinda, do I adore.
And from Srila Gurudev I have learned that as followers in the line of Sri Rupa, our greatest attention is not given to Lord Krishna; rather, our highest ideal is Radha-dasyam, service at the lotus feet of Srimati Radharani, “the mine of all good, the jewel of Krishna’s beloved’s.” Our Gurus tell us that this high ideal has been given to us by Srila Raghunath Das Goswami, who Srila Sridhar Maharaj describes as our “prayojana-acarya, the Guru who has shown us what is the highest aim of our life, prayojana-tattva, the ultimate destination.” And in Divine Guidance Srila Gurudev, Srila Govinda Maharaj, quotes Srila Raghunath Das Goswami’s prayer to Srimati Radharani, (asabharair-amrta-sindhu….) expressing that without the mercy of Srimati Radharani, “service to Krishna has no value:”
“I am only waiting for Your mercy. Oh, Radharani, if You do not give that, I think my life is spoiled in Vrndavan-Dham. Even, I do not want the mercy of Krishna. What shall I do with Krishna if Your mercy is not present there? You are the Supreme Servitor of Krishna and only under Your guidance do I want that service. Without Your connection I will not get it, I know that, and it is one hundred percent sure.”
Srila Gurudev gives us this high ideal, and also shows us the way forward within our fallen position and in our day-to-day practicing lives – which is illustrated in the diorama which can be seen at the entrance of our central Math in Nabadwip:
matala harijana kirttana-range
pujala ragapatha gaurava bhange
“From afar we shall worship the ‘raga-patha,’ the path of spontaneous affectionate service, while we ourselves live within the Vedic guideline.”
And from Srila Gurudev I also learnt the most essential thing of all: that the most important thing I can ever do in my life is to try and serve him, because it is he who has given me all of this - this gift of an opportunity to attempt to practice Krishna consciousness. In Sri Guru and His Grace, Srila Sridhar Maharaj quotes Srila Raghunath Das Goswami’s prayer to his Guru, Svarup Damodar: “nama srestham…”, expressing that all we have – our high ideal, the high conception of the Holy Name of Krishna, our service connection in the line of Sri Rupa, and our “hope that one day I can get the service of Sri Sri Radhika and Madhava” – has all come from Sri Gurudev, so we are “fully indebted” to him: “I have been given all these assurances by my Gurudev, so I bow my head with all my respects to his lotus feet.”
Our Guru, Srila Govinda Maharaj, who is with us here and with us now, who is above our heads and in our hearts, is at the heart of the heart of this beautiful and high conception that is Krishna consciousness, constantly guiding us and showering us with infinite mercy, guidance, love and affection. Really he is only waiting for us – waiting for the day we will accept the love, affection and high prospect he is so patiently trying to give us. As Srila Gurudev says in the Benedictine Tree: “Whatever we want in this mundane world within our conditioned position – beyond that, in the Transcendental World, that Divine Love is always waiting for us, waiting to embrace us.”
Sometimes I say to myself: “If I all I can ever do in my life is wake up one day, just once, and remember Srila Gurudev and hold some sincere desire to please him in my heart – I think I would say my life had not been wasted. Even if I am unable to ever please or serve him properly, and even if I am never sincere in this attempt – if I can just retain some tiny speck of a desire to serve his lotus feet and the lotus feet of his servitors, I think I could say my life has not been a failure.”
Whether I truly realize it or not, and whether I live it or not, I know he is our life and soul, our great hope, our all-in-all; our everything.
You know, if I ever come across any of the people who write those stupid forms, I think I might have a thing or two to tell them :-).
